Honeymoon Is Over.

My posts are becoming a lot more sporadic I'm afraid. Never sure whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. I used to plan posts and then write them when I had the time but now seem to only write when I'm really in the mood.

My first, and only, two Hba1c tests went really well (or so they say) and I'd been keeping a relatively good check on my blood sugar levels. Hypo's were quite rare and my bg never really exceeded the mid 8's most of the time...until about 3 weeks ago. My consultant did warn me that I was still in a 'honeymoon period' (wherein my pancreas still produces small amounts of insulin) and that it would probably come to an end before I reach the end of my first year which, for the record, is in 53 days.

As I mentioned, I had been managing my blood sugar levels pretty good until about 3 weeks ago. Since then my levels have been all over the place. Hypo's don't generally bother me because they're easy to rectify, but when I wake up in the night shaking because of one it does start to grate on me a bit, especially since this has happened a few times in a short space of time. In fact, if I'm honest, it worries me.

Having a pancreas that doesn't really do it's job is frustrating. I've never really been too upset or annoyed at the fact that I have diabetes. Which of course winds up  my parents whom it bothers greatly, particularly my mum, who often asks (usually whilst I'm injecting) :
'Does it not get to you?'
'No, not really'. I always reply, as if almost scripted.

In all honesty it never has bothered me and I could almost argue that it's not 'hit me' yet. Until recently I've never thought of it as a hindrance or as something that affects my life too much. It has, of course, changed a lot about my life, some good, some bad. I eat far healthier than I did before (though do not be mistaken, my diet is still not as healthy as it could be) and I do a lot more exercise than I used to but I have realised recently that I do not look after myself as well as I should. I drink far more than I should, (being almost proud that you've not had a drink 'during the week' isn't good is it?), I don't get enough sleep, and I often only have one proper meal a day (which I know is somewhat pathetic, as I keep being told). I'm well aware that I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself but I'm not, mainly because it's all something that I can change... and I fully intend to do so.

Anyway, that'll do for now. I apologise for the slightly depressing undertone of this one.


Loui

This Must Be the Place...

By now you've probably realised that I don't do short posts, or particularly optimistic ones, but you're in for a treat today!

Have you ever had that feeling of being really settled in a place? Or where you feel perfectly at ease with your surroundings and the people around you?

No neither have I.

However, the possibility of having that feeling at some point pleases me. And actually makes me feel ever so slightly optimistic about the future. I'd even go so far as to say that it makes me feel happy. There are people  out there that live a life of optimism and (seemingly) constant happiness, unable to see the cloud on the horizon. I don't envy these people, I love them. These people live life knowing that tomorrow is another day and that things can always be worse. They are grateful for what they have, no matter how much or little, and carry around with them a somewhat cheery disposition. These people are the reason this mixed up little island stays afloat!

Anyway back to my original point. At some point we must all feel as though we truly belong somewhere, some of us will already be in that place whereas some of us are waiting (or hoping) for it to appear. This might not be a physical place, it could simply just be time spent with another person. I suppose everyone is different. I don't often feel this optimistic so I thought I'd better write it down!

I'm done.


Loui